(Posted in the RSQUBF guestbook in 2008.)
Comments: Wow, it is bad. At the beginning the worst mistake I did is to say yes to a Korean woman to have bible study the very first minutes I met her. I was coming back to my house after my last class in my bike. That day (stupid of me) I didnt ride my bike, just by the side of it. This Korean woman was walking normally but suddenly she changed her speed to veeeeery slow! We began to have our bible studies, but it was conflicting with my college studies so I decide not to have anything else with her. Wrong! One day I was alone in my house and taking a bath when this woman started to walk around the house to see if I was there..I got soooooo mad that I was about to call the police, but for pity I didnt. She asked me why I didnt like the bible studies..I didnt know how to explain so I lied to her. Something in my heart was telling me there was something wrong, but as always I never listened. Anyway, we continued the studies, but my feelings was attacking her verbally. I had to stop the studies in the middle of the sessions because I knew it wasnt right. Some how she was always patient...Eventually, I learn how to love her. Still, many things were bothering me. I dont like to be chased by her and UBF. It's been two years that I am in UBF and for the first time I found really bad info about UBF. I always knew they marriage by faith but never heard the bad side of it until I researched more about it. Plus, I never was agree... Ha! At the beginning M. (my teacher) asked me and pressured me to do testimonies. I did just one or three in the whole two years I've been here. I determined never do one because I dont like to share my information with anybody. I dont care! Now, I feel a little worried about everybody working hard doing testimonies and memorizing verses because I am doing nothing there. It is because I dont feel interested in doing it. I have lack of motivation for doing it. Honestly, I dont like the church to the point of hate it. If anyone has feel the Holy Spirit or the presence of the Lord that person knows it. I mean I do know when the Lord is around its people...and I cannot feel the presence of His Spirit in the church. Why??? because it is tooo methodical..the few times I felt the Lord was about to stay the stupid people leading the music stopped. They dont know how to recognize the Lord in the spirit! It is the kind of church I dont like. Here is there tradition: Stand up, pray, sit down, play the piano for silence pray, pray for everybody while reading, sing hymn #125, another pray, sing another hymn, preaching (usually boring till death, because they had to read it), offering, maybe any talent around to show up, and final praying with the neiborhood. What I mean with all this is: Where is the chance of the Lord to manifest??? Where is the real time of the Lord? Nowhere, because it is only human methodology...something empty of spirit. I am pleased that many people of this church are very good. I have been helped many times, but I dont want to stay in the church simply because they are giving me too much (maybe a way of manipulation to stay, who knows) It is something in my heart that long time ago is telling me: Don't trust them! I listen many times to God and I think this is God telling me to flee and I can confirm this because recently I found a job that I have to accept because I was economically bad. What happens is that this job I have to work on Sundays. M. is upset and praying about me to have me back on Sundays...I think that pray is not going to be answered since it is the same God that took me away from that church on Sundays...still I need to escape from the one on Wednesdays, plus the bible studies...but God is in total control...I love you God..thanks!
Thursday, August 14th 2008 - 09:39:39 PM