Testimony of Rebecca B. K. 2001
(Also see http://exubf.blogspot.com/2007/04/james-j-k-former-toledo-ubf.html.)
(Recommended: Also read Andreas P.'s story after this one.)
(The following testimony was posted by M. Rebecca B. K., the wife of James J. K., a former UBF Toledo director, at the reformubf.org web site on July 17, 2001. In this testimony, she revealed the truth of her mission life within the UBF ministry, from the beginning of her marriage life to her present life in Houston, Texas. This report shows what harm UBF is causing not only to “sheep,” but also to “missionaries,” who offer their whole lives for UBF, but often live in broken families, because the interfering of the leaders obstructs a harmonic marriage life. It also shows much of the well hidden dark side of UBF and the sufferings it inflicts on the members. Most of the female members are suffering silently. This is one of the rare documents where a female UBF member does take the courage to open her mouth to tell about the real face of UBF. In this case the family was split because the husband had developed a deeper relationship to the topmost leader Samuel Lee than to his own wife. However, the reversed case in which the wife worships the leader and obeys him more than her husband, which also stands completely contrary to the Bible, happens even far more frequent in UBF. Such women then often function as “hidden directors” behind the scenes. Many families in UBF are split in one way or the other by UBF, in the case of long-standing members the division often occurs between the parents and the children, too. The quiet suffering of many family members in UBF is like an iceberg the tip of which you can see here.)
My Marriage in the Garden of Eden
In August of 1976, when I left the United States to get married in Korea, I had $5 dollars in my hand. In Korea, I stayed at Chong Ro Missionary Training Center waiting for my parents to bring me money for the marriage. While I was there I had nothing to do, so for two days I studied Genesis chapter 2 about marriage. I learned that:
1. Marriage existed in the Garden of Eden, which is paradise.
2. The man I was going to marry was the one out of whom I had been created.
And I felt that these things were true about the man I married. As a Kwan Ak Center intern shepherd, my husband was spiritual, devoted to God, gentle, smart, handsome, and penniless.
We took a two-day honeymoon: he rented an old, rusted bicycle and put me on the back seat. He rode the dirt-covered, rocky country roads at full speed. I had to hold him tightly in order not to fall off.
Soon, I returned to Toledo, Ohio, and continued the pioneering ministry at the University of Toledo. After a year, my husband, Missionary James K., joined me in Toledo and took over the ministry.
The Beginning of Trouble
M. James K. did anything and everything he could to earn money to support our family. He worked as a waiter, a janitor, a door-to-door salesman, etc. Meanwhile, our student ministry in Toledo was growing. It was the first American college student ministry in the history of UBF. In the winter of 1977, we held the first American UBF college students’ conference in Toledo. I cooked for three days for 30-40 attendants. At the time, I was four-month’ pregnant with my first child.
After the conference, I was so tired that I felt as if I was going to lose the baby. But I was uneasy and could not rest because of what I had seen and heard days before the conference. In a Toledo Center living room, I had seen M. Samuel Lee looking at a female missionary, and calling her a “hidden spiritual director” with a smile on his face. The missionary smiled shyly in response. “What does ‘hidden spiritual director’ mean?” I wondered.
This incident signified that M. Samuel Lee had a blueprint for the future of the Toledo ministry. Though I didn’t know what the plans were at the time, the ministry was slowly being fashioned according to his design.
The “hidden spiritual director” turned out to be an active informant who functioned as Samuel Lee’s leash on M. James K.. I had to be ostracized.
Rejected by my husband
So accordingly, I began to feel his influence. After I had been married to him for about a year or so, M. James was the same kind, gentle, and loving husband. However, as time wore on, he began to change. I began to feel that he was keeping himself distant from me. Later, it seemed that he was regretting ever having married me. Finally, he became cold and cruel. His criticism towards me seemed to intensify each time he returned from a Chicago message training session. However, he did not care to explain the reasoning behind his actions.
But I was not fooled. I realized that I was in a religious group in which one leader was exercising power as if he were God. If the leader was against me, then certainly, I would feel the crushing weight of an iron wheel. But I did not expect that he would stoop to turning my husband against me, and I was unprepared for what was to come.
Whenever M. James K. went to Chicago message training, M. Samuel Lee would treat him like a son and also feed him with negative comments about me. One of the negative comments was that the Toledo ministry was declining because M. James was listening to me. So M. James K., our co-workers in Toledo, and even all of UBF seemed to believe that.
M. James K. was torn between his desire to love his wife and to follow this supposedly spiritual direction not to listen to his wife for the sake of the Toledo ministry. Gradually he yielded to M. Samuel Lee. He decided not to listen to me and even to despise me since I was a hindrance to God’s work and to his own spiritual growth. He chose to serve God by rejecting his wife.
At that point, M. James and I did not speak to each other for weeks at a time. Since we shared only one car, my children would pass the car keys between the two of us. There was an icy chill between us. Twice I asked M. James K. for a divorce, but he refused.
Finding a Friend
One Thanksgiving Day, all the missionary co-workers gathered to have Thanksgiving dinner together. Each person brought food, and we were about to eat. There was a woman missionary there who used to live in Chicago, but had moved to Toledo. I was used to enduring her criticism me, but that day, she viciously attacked me with accusations. According to her, M. James K. had given a direction, then the next day he had given a different one. Up to this day, I still don’t know to what directions she was referring.
According to her, M. James talked about the first direction to me that night and I gave him a different direction, which caused him to change the direction the next day according to my comment. She was yelling these accusations at the top of her voice so that all the missionaries might be aware of this problem of Toledo UBF. Tears ran down my face. I left the Thanksgiving dinner table, and I did not eat anything that day.
After a few days, I visited the woman missionary privately. I explained to her that I had not even talked to M. James once the whole week and asked her the reason why she had assumed the second direction had come from me.
She said to me that when she was leaving Chicago to come to Toledo, M. Samuel Lee told her that the reason why Toledo ministry was going down was because M. James K. was listening to Missionary Rebecca B. K.
So she was an agent of Missionary Samuel Lee to work against me. I liked her honesty. As a matter of fact, she was the only one who had admitted that her action against me was manipulated by M. Samuel Lee. When things go sour like this, M. Samuel Lee’s agents would say they acted or spoke on their own, making themselves a scapegoat to protect M. Samuel Lee’s honor, and to show their loyalty to M. Samuel Lee. In that sense, she failed to be his agent. But she was honest before God and did not lie to me. Maybe she failed before man, but she did not fail before God. We became close friends afterwards.
You could have been an agent
Since I encountered M. Samuel Lee’s agents often, I had opportunities to watch their psychological process. Most of the time, they don’t even know themselves that they are on a mission from M. Samuel Lee. He does not speak directly, but they end up doing what Missionary Samuel Lee expects to be done.
Of course, M. Samuel Lee did not tell her to act against me after she arrived in Toledo. He just said to her that Toledo ministry was going down because M. James K. was listening to M. Rebecca B. K. In her zeal to serve God’s work in Toledo, she was watching how M. James K. was influenced by me and ruining God’s work.
When M. James K. changed his direction overnight she saw the opportunity to challenge the spiritually immature woman M. Rebecca B. K. That’s how most of Samuel Lee’s agents are recruited and start their mission. Some agents are really dumb and mess up their jobs. Some agents are very smart and quickly catch the points of what M. Samuel Lee wants.
Most agents enjoy love, attention and recognition from M. Samuel Lee. When they begin to feel this kind of special treatment, they slowly fall into a delusion of euphoria, thinking they are spiritual, and they are better than others. They remain in euphoric state until they are dumped. Recovery to reality takes time. After recovery, they become nobody, yet they remain loyal, cherishing the beautiful memories with M. Samuel Lee.
Lying is a Sin
In the course of mission, they face one dilemma. They have to lie. The woman missionary thought that M. James K. and I had a pillow talk. But we did not have a pillow talk for a long time. When I came back to ask for an explanation of her action it was the time for her to say the truth or to lie for M. Samuel Lee. Inexperienced, a first time agent usually shows a puzzled expression in the face and eyes for a second. Then she or he says, “I did it.” But veteran agents with years of experience do not even blink an eye. They lie with a composed face and smile. They know their job requires a little lie.
I am writing this to say that lying is a serious sin problem. M. Samuel Lee won’t be there before God’s judgment seat to defend the sins of their lies. They are sinning against God. God hates liars.
Exodus 1:15-21 are their favorite words to rationalize their lies. The midwives lied to Egyptians in order to save Hebrew newborn baby boys. They lied for God’s people and God’s history, and they were blessed by God. If someone tries to kill my children, I would lie too. But they apply these words to non-emergency, non-life-threatening situations. When they have to speak truthfully as witnesses, they still lie.
Whose sin is it?
Then who was really making the ministry of Toledo go down at that time? Was it I or M. Samuel Lee? I’ll leave it to be judged before the judgment seat of God. All hidden things will be revealed before God. Nothing can be hidden before God. I want to find out even after my death. I already received punishment for this sin. Few people may understand what I mean.
My child or obedience
Princess Diana said that her marriage was a little crowded because there were three people in her marriage. Yet, she kept her head strong and autonomy of her will. In my three-person marriage, I had no autonomy. M. James K. was obeying whatever M. Samuel Lee said. He was turning into an obedience machine and was losing his humanity. When my second daughter was about to be born, I had no money to pay for a delivery. I put my life before God and delivered her at home. After six weeks, I returned to work with my face still swollen. When she was 3-4 months old, M. Samuel Lee gave a direction to M. James K. to send her to my sister’s home in Chicago.
I did not want to send her and it was against my will. Though I was her mother, I could not say a word of objection. My only choice was to obey. In UBF, M. Samuel Lee’s direction was from God. Disobeying him was disobeying God. As I was packing her stuff, I was crying in pain, which I could not share with M. James K.
After my baby had stayed at my sister’s home for three months, my sister called me to take her back home. That would be the best for the baby. My sister’s little son was beating my daughter. My daughter hit her head repeatedly against the bathtub floor whenever her son knocked her down. My sister worried about possible head injuries. “Should I sacrifice my daughter in order to obey M. Samuel Lee?” I drove to Chicago and brought her back home. Later M. Samuel Lee found out that I had brought her home. After my daughter had grown up, she asked me a question. “Had mommy and daddy stayed in UBF, which one would you choose, me or obedience to M. Samuel Lee?” A good question! Parents in UBF still have to face this question. Even Darth Vader chose his son over his loyalty to the Empire. To me also, the life of my daughter was more important than obedience to M. Samuel Lee.
The Way I Chose to Die
Years went by, I saw no hope in this marriage. I learned what it was like to be rejected by my husband. I watched helplessly as my husband was being manipulated by M. Samuel Lee. I shed endless tears in silence. I begged my husband to divorce me and end this miserable marriage. He said “no.”
Gradually, I was thinking about death, a suicide. I hesitated for a while because I couldn’t give my parents the sorrow of my death. I thought I would wait until after my parents died. Later my parents’ sorrow didn’t matter to me anymore. Then I was afraid of going to hell. I read a book, “Life after Death.” According to the book, those who commit suicide go to Hell. For a while I hesitated that I might go to Hell, but I decided to finish my life.
Once I made up my mind, I began to work on a method of killing myself. The ideal method of suicide was cutting myself to pieces with a knife until I died in front of M. James K. In this way, he might know how much pain he had given me by his obedience to M. Samuel Lee and so that he might never forget my death, and suffer all his life. But this was not possible.
In my situation, I found no way to subdue him and make him watch my death quietly. He was too strong, and I might lose my knife to him before I cut myself. Worse than that, I might be considered suicidal and be sent to a psychiatric hospital against my will. This was possible. If I gave drugs to immobilize him, he might be sleeping and snoring loudly, and unable to witness the horrific death scene.
Shooting, using drugs, and toxins were excluded because I might die quickly and he might forget about my death soon when he received a new wife in his arms. The ideal method seemed to be a hanging, both in successfulness and its effect of a ghostly appearance. He might come down to the kitchen at night to drink water or juice and he would find a woman he regretted that he had married, dangling on a rope tied to the kitchen ceiling.
Before I developed the details of my hanging, the Lord intervened in my heart.
A Reason to Live
One day I saw that my oldest daughter, Rebecca, was crying. She was standing alone crying. Tears were running over her cheeks, but she made no crying sound at all. She was crying silently, like I did. She was about 5-6 years old, and I wondered why in the world this child was not crying with a loud sound, but crying silently. It bothered me. Then I thought, “If I go, a stepmother will come in. Then she will cry silently like that all her life.” That was more painful to me than my own pain. My daughter shouldn’t cry silently. I would be there for my daughter to make sure that she would be happy and smiling.
Once I had made up my mind to die, but then I made up my mind to live. I was thinking about suicide for six months, I didn’t eat or sleep. My 120 pounds went down to 97 pounds. I slept one or two hours a day and just couldn’t go to sleep.
So my daughter and my children gave me a reason to live. I started to eat for my children. I had no appetite, but I just shoved food into my mouth, chewed and swallowed. Also, I started to prepare a possible custody battle in the future, preparing myself as a financially capable and caring mother.
Should one give up a spouse to follow Jesus?
At that time, I was an emotionally wounded, shaky, vulnerable, exhausted woman. At this point in UBF, a spiritual woman is supposed to look at Jesus and find that Jesus is her true husband. Then she is peaceful and happy even if her husband is spending most of his time with another woman or man to serve God.
This is supposed to work for men as well. When a male missionary is abandoned because his wife is busy with another man to serve God, he is supposed to find Jesus, and to be happy and peaceful. Some spouses who reach this level serve God separately from each for months, or years, and they are happy because of Jesus.
This is not what I learned about Jesus. When I first met Jesus, I repented my sins, and the Holy Spirit came and baptized me. This is how I met Jesus. Giving up my husband is not the way of accepting Jesus. They stole my husband from me in the name of Jesus. I wanted my husband back. I couldn’t live without my husband. You ask M. James K., I cannot live even one day without him.
Instead of accepting Jesus and giving up my husband, I met a decision to be independent, and become strong: emotionally, financially, and physically to raise my children.
Art of attacking your enemy
As I was recovering, I began to feel sorry for M. James K. who was not aware of what was going on. I thought, “When the time comes, M. Samuel Lee will dump him like trash, replacing him with another young blind follower whom he can control easily.” By then, M. Peter Chang and M. James K., who were the forerunners of USA campus pioneering of UBF, knew so much, and their heads were getting harder.
How do I know this? M. James K. himself was placed in that position along with M. Peter Chang after four top senior shepherds were kicked out. I was an eyewitness when New York UBF Director M. Myung Gil Lee was kicked out. He was not aware of this fall until the very moment of his fall. I watched how his smile faded quickly to distress and to pain in a matter of several minutes, though he tried to hide it.
M. Samuel Lee likes such a dramatic moment as a surprise attack on his enemy, knocking down the defenseless enemy with one blow. It is a knockout punch in boxing. He shows no signs of attack to keep his enemy unguarded, while a meticulous plan of attack is made. The moment of attack comes, when his unsuspected enemy falls by one blow, he is satisfied by watching his bewildered, frightened enemy perish in pain and anguish.
The fact that M. Samuel Lee set up an informant to watch M. James K. meant that he did not trust M. James K. How many new stars rose and old stars fell during the 40 years of UBF history?
Praying for God’s mercy from heaven above
God led me to marry M. James K. Our marriage was established in the Garden of Eden, which is paradise. My happiness, that of my children and that of M. James K. was in this marriage. If this marriage was broken apart, it was paradise lost to me. I realized that we had nothing good in us to continue this marriage. Man and woman are too weak and sinful to bear a blessing of marriage from God. Our marriage needed help from heaven above, mercy from God, not from each other. I began to pray for God’s mercy on this miserable marriage, that God’s mercy might be on our family, God’s mercy might bond, heal, and revive this marriage.
Breaking a marriage is easy and quick. Waiting for God’s mercy was long, endless and uncertain. But God hears prayers and his mercy is immensely abundant. Now my cup overflows with happiness.
Offering you gave to God
I couldn’t say to M. James K. anything bad about M. Samuel Lee, because M. James K. was closer to M. Samuel Lee than to me. It was something that he had to realize on his own. The closer he went to M. Samuel Lee, the more he began to see who M. Samuel Lee really was. One event after another, clouds of doubt circled in his mind. He shared this with M. Peter Chang.
In 1989, he couldn’t bear or overlook one event. He heard the following from M. Gus Park, who resigned from the position of UBF Madison Director.
1. M. Samuel Lee gave four bundles of money to his brother who was known as his money manager. When M. Samuel Lee went to Korea with American student shepherds each year, for mission journey, he collects the group’s flight fee from Korean Chapters and he collects again from American Chapters for the same expenses. Suppose there are 10 people in the journey team, and a round-trip flight costs $1,000, he could profit $10,000 dollars into his pocket.
2. Several USA UBF Chapters donated money for purchasing the Madison UBF Center, but the money was not used for the purchase. The money was gone.
Many leaders throughout the world have abilities of both leadership and money laundering. I knew from 1973 that UBF offering money was crossing international borders from Korea to America in cash, envelope by envelope, hand by hand, person to person, little by little, airplane by airplane, trip by trip, not to leave any evidence behind to other UBF members and to authorities.
To those who may criticize me for saying this, I devoted myself 20 years in UBF for the world mission. When I left UBF, I was penniless plus debt, my children grew up in poverty and hunger; I have every right to know where my offering to God went. So I am praying to God that all the hidden may be revealed in daylight to the whole world.
Do you know whether the money you offered was used to help starving missionaries in third world countries? Or the money you offered to God went into another person’s bank account whom you never knew, and was lost in a bad investment? Or confiscated by an authority in an airport while attempting to cross international border with unreported cash?
You were taught about heavy offerings, but you were not taught about your right to see how the money was used. If you have been in UBF for 20 years, you should have 20 years of financial reports with you, as all other churches do. If not, there is something fishy going on.
A lethal letter
M. James K. seemed to be awakening from delusion and euphoria of M. Samuel Lee. He was fuming with anger. We never felt closer to each other when he was telling me these things. I said to him, “I do not want money or honor from you. Please, speak what you have to speak before God.” After speaking, I turned around and saw the furniture and belongings in the room to see what to pack, and what to leave behind, thinking, “We will soon have to pack and leave this house.”
M. James K. decided to challenge M. Samuel Lee about use of the offering money. As he started to write a letter to M. Samuel Lee, he mentioned not only about missing offering money, but also about two women missionaries’ involuntary abortions by M. Samuel Lee, problems in UBF training, a suggestion of a change from a centralized system to a regional system in USA, etc. M. James K. mailed this letter to M. Samuel Lee and to several shepherds in Korea and several directors of UBF chapters in America.
The Terror of the Romans could not intimidate Jesus
UBF leaders knew all these problems and also knew what it was like to challenge M. Samuel Lee. They have seen the fate of those who challenged M. Samuel Lee. In 1975, four top senior shepherds joined together and challenged M. Samuel Lee. M. Samuel Lee successfully eliminated them as sinners. How much more trouble was waiting for M. James K. and me when he challenged him alone?
Regardless of troubles and unknown futures ahead, we needed to challenge for the cause of UBF ministry. We would pay the price to see UBF ministry goes in the right direction. So we would speak and meet our fate and leave our future in Jesus’ mercy. The Romans crucified rebels alive on the cross and displayed their horrible dying bodies along the streets so that no one could challenge the Roman rule. This terror did not intimidate Jesus who defended his kingdom and his kingship before Pilate (John 18:37) claiming his kingdom was a rebellion against the Roman rule and the emperor.
Jesus knew what was waiting for him: a crucifixion, the fate of rebellions against the Romans. There are people who choose to fight and face the fate, and there are people who choose to be subjected and compromise with darkness.
Exit in UBF style
To make a long story short, M. Samuel Lee invited M. James K. to Chicago after meticulous preparation. M. James K. went to Chicago to apologize about the letter and to reconcile with M. Samuel Lee, who showed him fatherly love again after his arrival in Chicago. M. James K. was so moved by M. Samuel Lee’s love, he was sobbing and weeping because he hurt M. Samuel Lee’s heart by the letter.
Meanwhile in Toledo, the same day, M. Paul Hong was announcing M. James K.’s downfall by introducing himself as new director of Toledo UBF. That day another shining star appeared and a star that was shining for 13 years vanished from the UBF sky. M. James K. became a star on his own, but M. Paul Hong was made a star by a starmaker.
Rescue M. James K. From A Den of Vipers
I realized that M. James K. was in a trap in the Chicago UBF center, weeping and repenting because of M. Samuel Lee’s love, not knowing about his fall. I had to rescue him; the sooner, the better. I had to bring him home before he fell into a deeper scheme. He was not a match to M. Samuel Lee. I was afraid of possible mental psychological damages he might receive in Jesus’ name if he stayed longer, as had happened to other UBF members.
As soon as I came home from the meeting in Toledo UBF center, I called Chicago UBF center only to find out that M. James K. was in a room without a telephone. A couple of times I called, but failed to contact him. I was trembling and praying to God to save him from a den of vipers.
At about 9 p.m., in my third calling, M. An Soon Lee [Grace Lee, the wife of Samuel Lee] answered my call. In order to unguarded her mind, and to get her sympathy, I faked my voice. I said in a weak but nonchalant voice, asking her to give a message to M. James K. to call home when he had a chance.
M. James K. Became a Man of Nothing
Around midnight, M. James K. called home in a cheerful voice. I told him to come home as soon as possible after briefly telling him the news of his fall. Finally he realized what was going on. M. Samuel Lee invited him to Chicago to give him a Judas Kiss. In the middle of the night, he went to the Chicago training center, screaming, “Samuel Lee, come out!” to no avail.
I don’t know what other plans M. Samuel Lee had prepared, but the plan abruptly stopped by M. James K.’s sudden departure that night. In Toledo, words were circulated that M. James K.’s family would be sent in exile to another city. M. James K. arrived home Saturday morning by bus. That day, several Toledo women missionaries visited our home and told him not to come to Sunday worship service anymore. Later, one missionary came forward to say this decision came from him, not M. Samuel Lee, “I did it, and not M. Samuel Lee.”
For the first time, M. James K. felt the dark side of M. Samuel Lee in his skin. Overnight, he lost everything: co-workers, sheep (Bible study students), 15 years of ministry in Toledo, prime years of life, and honor. He lost everything except our children and me. It was very strange for me to see him having nothing. He became a man of nothing.
This was what M. Samuel Lee wanted to show the whole UBF. Whoever challenges him will be stripped to nothing.
Samuel Lee’s Love is God’s Love
First, M. James K. was thinking of leaving Toledo quietly to go to another city. Then M. Isaac Kim visited us. He came and rebuked M. James K., saying, “Go back to Chicago. If you don’t go back to Chicago, you are rejecting God’s love. If you reject God’s love, you will be a UBF Gentile.”
I was sitting on M. Isaac Kim’s right side and I could see the right side of his face. As he was yelling and shouting loudly to M. James K., his face was flushed red, his external jugular vein was popping up in his neck, drops of saliva were shooting out of his mouth towards M. James K., and falling to the floor a foot from his mouth.
He was a gentle, quiet man. When I saw this, this unexpected extraordinary aspect of him, I thought I would put this in writing someday in the future. Why did he think that he could accomplish anything like this? Or did he come just to humiliate M. James K. whom he respected as God’s servant till days ago? He messed up the situation from bad to worse.
Then he continued, “Go back to Chicago. If you refuse M. Samuel Lee’s love, you are refusing God’s love,” thus making M. Samuel Lee’s love equal to God’s love. Many people in UBF believe M. Samuel Lee’s love is equal to God’s love, as Isaac Kim spoke to us. And M. James K. had had enough of M. Samuel Lee’s love for the last 15 years.
After his visit, M. James K. changed his mind to stay in Toledo and fight back. That night I said to M. James K., “The language of M. Isaac Kim is repetition of simple sentences. Today for the first time I heard him using three steps of logic, quite rhetoric, yet threatening. So these words must be from M. Samuel Lee.”
At that time there were two men in UBF in America who used a logical process in their thoughts and language to persuade others; M. Samuel Lee and M. Jacob Kim. I loved to hear them speak. They possessed power in their languages. The power of M. Samuel Lee’s language was so tremendous that those around him stop thinking on their own and they took whatever he said, and they were not aware that they lost their thinking ability. It is a devastating damage in one’s life.
Then who could be threatening M. James K.? It was M. Samuel Lee. Later, M. Isaac Kim said, “I did it, and not M. Samuel Lee.”
A Contract before God
The only lethal weapon of M. James K. was the letter. He made many copies and mailed them out. He also gave it to Toledo shepherds. Once we were cut off, it was not easy to see them. But no one would be able to stop M. James K.
Through a mediator, M. Samuel Lee and M. James K. agreed to have a cease-fire. Before he went to Chicago UBF center to make a contract, he said to me, “M. Samuel Lee lies a lot. I will have the contract in writing signed by witnesses before God.” M. Samuel Lee’s request was for M. James K. to leave Toledo immediately and not to circulate the letter anymore. M. James K.’s request was to be sent to Houston as a director of Houston UBF, to have five American shepherds sent to Houston as pioneer coworkers, to receive financial support of $1,000 a month for two years.
The contract was typed on letter-sized paper, starting with words of praising God, signed by UBF board members before God as witnesses. He came home with the contract letter.
A Long Journey
Then he had to go back to Chicago to have the imposition of hands on him by elders in Chicago to be a Houston UBF director. I wondered why this was necessary. He also said that M. Samuel Lee wanted us to visit Houston afterwards. I hurried to get four children ready. I put light clothes on them because we were heading south, and I grabbed a rice cooker, but I had no time to do dishes. I left dishes in the sink, and laundry, and our family drove to Chicago.
After the imposition of hands, M. Samuel Lee gave us $5,000. My heart was moved to receive such a great sum of money in my hands, not knowing that we would live on the streets the next three weeks.
Because of children, we traveled slowly. I cooked rice or boiled ramen in the rice cooker. After traveling 5-6 days, we arrived in Houston. We were driving into Houston city, and we didn’t know where to go, where to turn. We didn’t know where we were, what part of the city. We knew nobody. We found a motel and settled in. M. James K. looked for a house to rent and planned to go back to Toledo to bring our belongings. We were rejected for the first house we wanted to lease because of our low income. We were able to sign the lease for the second house we found. It took several days and we had to move to a cheaper motel where roaches were roaming, and people like hookers and drug dealers were in and out. We were spending $100-$150 a day for our family for motel food and gas. We still had to have money for a deposit and first month’s rent.
As we were looking for a house to rent, M. James K. said he wanted a big house, saying, “Five shepherds are coming soon. We need to rent a big house.” He was still trusting M. Samuel Lee, but I did not trust M. Samuel Lee. I did not believe he would send five American shepherds. We did not need a big house. However, we rented a big house to receive five American shepherds soon. After signing a lease, we drove back to Toledo to gather our belongings.
As we were approaching the state of Ohio, M. James K. called M. Paul Hong that we were on our way back to Toledo, and asked him not to enter our house until we arrived. M. Paul Hong convinced M. James K. that he would.
Blizzard
We followed a trucker who attempted to drive north through local ways. We lost him while following his truck. The snow was falling so heavily that we could not see the front. To my surprise, we were driving slowly in an open field and the gas was low in the red line. I worried, “If our car stops, we will all be frozen to death in cold and snow.” I regretted that I put light clothes on my children. Then we saw an isolated service station in the open field and drove there safely. God was watching us and saved us from the snowstorm. That day a dozen people died.
After us, a police car pulled in. I did not notice but the policeman said that he followed us from far away to make sure of our safety. He saw when we were lost and stranded in a snowstorm. He said that all roads were closed and motels were full. He led us to a shelter in a church. There was one yellow school bus with high school kids and a dozen motorists. We slept in church chairs that night. The village people brought sandwiches, all kinds of sizes and shapes of blankets. I received one baby blanket and was shivering all night in cold but my heart was warm by the love of the village people. After we tasted all the rejection, humiliations by God’s people in UBF, it was so refreshing to receive love from human beings.
Remove Everything Before They Arrive
As we finally arrived home, it was unbelievable to see our home. The front wall window was broken, the back door was broken and the house was empty. All our belongings were gone, and some trash was on the floor.
Who did this? M. Paul Hong and Toledo brothers broke in and removed everything and loaded it into a truck. This was done without our consent and against our will. M. Paul Hong knew that we were approaching Toledo because M. James K. called him and asked him not to enter our house until our arrival. I do not know whether he broke into our house before M. James K. called or after he called. Anyway, he removed everything before we arrived.
We had to keep the heater on through the winter to prevent the gas pipes from freezing. Cold winds were blowing into the house through the broken window and the heater was running non-stop. I had to pay the gas bill for the heater. I found a cardboard box. I tore it with my hand and placed it over the broken window. That was all. My home, my sweet home, good-bye, forever. I love you.
M. James K. needed school documents to apply to the University of Houston. I needed clothes desperately for the children. We drove to the place where the truck was parked. It was still so cold and chilly by the residue of the blizzard. My teeth were rattling inside our van as I waited and watched M. James K. trying to find his files amid boxes and packages. It was impossible to find and he gave up.
Even now, I want everyone who broke into my house to apologize to me. In 1975, I arrived in Toledo with one box, with one Bible and nursing uniforms and shoes in it. Ever since for 15 years, my daily life was that of a slave, working at night and serving you during the day. Not mentioning this, I did not enter your house and remove your belongings without your permission. But you broke into my house and removed everything without my permission and against my will. This was done to increase the humiliation and sufferings on my way to Houston. I made my journey and I’m still alive in Houston waiting for an apology from everyone who entered my house.
That night, we went to a house of one of my sheep (Bible study student). She understood our plight. She offered one room for our family, money, and her daughter’s clothes for my children. The next day we drove back to Houston. On arrival in Houston, at least we had a house to live in, with one rice cooker. The truck loaded with our belongings was broken down in Toledo and needed a repair. The truck arrived after 10 days. So we lived about three weeks in motels, traveling in a van with one rice cooker and eating fast food.
Not by Man but by God
As M. James K. was eagerly waiting for American shepherds’ arrival, M. Samuel Lee had one agony. He wanted to send American shepherds to Houston, but no one wanted to go. This agony started only after discouraging all American shepherds who wanted to go to Houston.
M. James K. believed the contract would be kept because it was signed and witnessed before God. He feared God. But M. Samuel Lee considered it a piece of paper and used it to eliminate M. James K. from Toledo ministry immediately. He could make a hundred excuses not to keep the contract. I believed that the contract would be kept not by man but by God.
Esau sold his birthright to Jacob for a bowl of red stew. What happened after that? Isaac’s blessing went to Jacob. Esau forgot that he sold his birthright. Instead he tried to kill Jacob, but the Lord led Jacob to inherit Abraham’s blessings. M. James K. kept his side of contract for 10 years before God. Now it is time to reveal everything and the letter went on the Internet.
Hitting Rock Bottom
Once M. James K. gave his life in obedience to the world mission receiving the melting love of M. Samuel Lee to the point of abandoning of his loving wife. Now at age 40, he became nothing. He has no money plus debt, no job, no honor, no friends. When I saw him, I understood how a man could be ruined.
Because of all the pain he received in UBF, he developed chest pain on and off. One day he suddenly dropped his spoon during dinner because of a sharp chest pain. I helped him rest on the couch. The next day, a cardiologist gave him several tests to examine his heart. While he was running on a treadmill, the doctors said to him, “You have a heart like a horse.” Yet, his heart was badly damaged by betrayal, humiliation, and loss of his life’s work.
God of Blessings and Happiness
All M. James K. had was me, whom he ignored and despised in the past. When I saw him suffer from betrayals, humiliation, and delusion, I was determined to be with him and restore him. We inflicted pain to each other over 10 years, but God began to heal our wounds. Healing took years and it was possible because we left UBF and because no one came between us.
We went to American churches. The minister emphasized the value of family life in his preaching, which I’ve never heard of in UBF. I squeezed M. James K.’s hand and whispered, “Honey, listen carefully to what he says.” It was very strange that one church almost destroyed our marriage life and another church was restoring our marriage.
We found again our lost paradise, our marriage in the Garden of Eden that God has given us. God is a God of misery and suffering. But God is also a God of blessings and happiness, who planted a Garden of Eden for men. What God has joined together, man shall not separate.
Men of UBF, Someone May Steal your Wife
Men of UBF, be careful about your wife. While you are carrying a heavy cross of working and feeding sheep, someone will come, steal your wife’s heart, and make her give her heart and devotion to him instead of you. She will no longer cook for you and your children because she is too busy to serve God. She will look down upon you as your spiritual inferior, and she will not listen to you anymore. You lost your happiness and your marriage. You and your children will never know the happiness of family life God has given you.
One UBF man, whose wife was too busy to take care of her husband and children, to serve God, said to me, “I offered my co-worker (wife) to God, and I’m peaceful.” Not so! Once his wife gave her heart and devotion to another man, believing that she sacrificed her husband and children to serve God, it was impossible for him to bring her back to him, so he helplessly gave up. His family life is of a broken family with a superior wife and inferior husband, instead of being regarded as a sacrificial and spiritual family, as he or she wished to hear. That’s the message speaking loudly to their sheep and to their own children.
When I see this kind of family in UBF, I’m confused. When I see the wife, I question, “Is she his supervisor? His mama? Or his enemy?” When I see the husband, I question, “Is he her son? Her enemy? Or a single?”
As for me, giving my heart and devotion to another man is impossible. I married M. James K. and to him only I will give my heart and devotion. If I give my heart and devotion to another man, to serve Jesus, it is a spiritual adultery. Genesis chapter 2 clearly tells that the man I married is the one with whom I will serve Jesus. There were God, husband, and wife, but no other man in the Garden of Eden.
Visiting American and Korean churches, I’ve never seen a single church, not one church, where wives are closer to their leader than to their own husband. If I’m wrong, they should be proud to speak to the whole world, “My wife is closer to our leader than to me. Can this be truth from the Bible?” Someone may answer, “It sounds like a cult.”
Behind a Door
I believe that the weakened spouse relationship is one of the reasons why UBF has high incidents of sexual immorality among leaders. One holy man and a holy woman used to enter into an office and shut the door. The door remained closed for 30 minutes, 1 hour, or 2 hours. Outside of the office, missionaries were guessing in their best imagination what was happening inside of the room. The room had a table, chairs and a bed. Rumors and gossips spilled like floodwater.
Nobody saw inside so I’m not writing the disgusting contents of the rumors. None of the rumors said that they were praying or studying the Bible. But they were doing something that needed a door closed.
Nobody dared to knock on the door. The door opened from inside when they finished what they were doing.
This was not a good example because he was a holy man, but it became an example anyway to show what a married man can do when he has a burning passion for another woman. Years followed, similar things were happening here and there behind doors. Honky, donky, hoochi, koochi, hush, hush, doing everything except the last thing.
Did Clinton escape charges of sexual immorality? No, special prosecutor Kenneth Star pumped in $45 million dollars to prove that the DNA of the semen in the blue dress was that of Clinton’s. Clinton bowed down his head in shame before the whole world when the secret revealed. Adultery is like this. God hates adulterers. God has seen everything done behind doors. God reveals sins of adultery with such zeal as that of Kenneth Star.
I Am a Sinner
These are painful memories I wish I could forget. But I’m glad that I wrote. Until now I was righteous, and M. James K. was wrong, wrong, wrong. But as I was writing and thought about the past, I remembered my own cruelty, screaming, hysteria, and hatred, toward M. James K. I realized how much pain I gave him and how much pain he had to endure from me. I can not find proper words to describe my pain when I realized that I hurt him so much. I prayed to Jesus to forgive my sins.
My dear husband, M. James K., please, forgive all my sins of cruelty, hatred, insults, screams, heartless, ruthless behaviors. I am not worthy to be in your presence.
Jesus, the Reformer
I’ve never heard anybody calling Jesus “the reformer.” This came to my mind through personal experiences. M. James K. never had an intention to leave UBF. He was thrown out as a rebel when he challenged important issues. We didn’t want to hear even the word, “UBF.” We didn’t see UBF members for years. It was Jesus who opened M. James K.’s heart to serve in Reform UBF.
I made up my mind to serve Jesus in Lakewood Church in Houston. But it was Jesus who opened my heart to accept M. Jacob and Rebecca Chung, M. Elijah and Rebecca Seong as my co-workers in Jesus, and to join Sunday worship service in their apartment to serve Jesus in Reformed UBF ministry.
Jesus is the author and owner of any gospel ministry. The sins of UBF have reached its full measure. The time came for Jesus to reform UBF.
I see UBF ministry sick with sins and spiritual dwarfism due to a system controlled by one man. Jesus freed this so that every man and woman may serve Jesus with the power of God.
Lord, Jesus, come and help many broken marriages.
