(Excerpted from http://community.livejournal.com/rsqubf/88751.html)
Posted by human12
11th-Aug-2006
[Translated from Korean]
I believe that everyone would agree that romantic feeling is not sin. But whenever I read our shepherds’ responses to a question regarding this matter, I do not understand what they are talking about. Are they saying that we should just accept the current tradition of marriage by faith for the sake of UBF ministry even though romantic feeling is not sin? Or are they saying that we should change our unbiblical tradition of marriage by faith and make it more biblical?
Personally, the most serious problem about how we view romantic feeling in UBF is being judgmental toward sister members. I feel so sorry for those sisters who say that they become very uncomfortable when they meet brothers in their chapters. They don’t even try to look at them. Whenever I hear a testimony in which a sister repents her sin of romantic feeling toward a brother, I always think that there is something wrong about this whole thing.
Maybe we should take a different approach to this problem. Maybe we should help them with the love of God so that their romantic feeling does not lead to sin. If we continue in the present legalistic and controlling environment, they would just try to hide their romantic feeling in their hearts and they will become more spiritually sick because of that.
What do you think about it?
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What I was trying to do in my previous post was to explain that under present circumstances and organizational structure in UBF, one’s romantic feeling could not but be condemned as sin and be controlled.
I think that it is not a healthy Christian faith to condemn oneself because of romantic feeling and to consider romantic feeling sin before God. As you mentioned, I think one cannot have a fellowship with others when one tries to avoid a fellow Christian because of uncomfortable feeling. The UBF marriage by faith is a pillar that supports its ministry. I think UBF controls one’s romantic feeling due to the UBF marriage by faith, which is considered abnormal.
I don’t think it is a proper way of having Christian faith to look at everything and to be controlled within the framework made by men. It is not Christian faith to glorify men-made framework by preserving it. It is not Christian faith to consider men-made framework the standard of Christian faith and to apply it to other people to judge them. But there are still so many people who think that it is Christian faith to hold stead fast to the men-made framework. They even think that they have a powerful faith when they can demonstrate conspicuously their loyalty to this framework. They even regard that kind of loyalty as dedication to God. They have lost ability and will to overcome this framework. They have settled themselves down with this men-made framework. This is at the heart of the problem.
...
The fundamental problem lies in UBF-style marriage by faith. A marriage by faith cannot be conducted just based on human terms, mission direction given in an organization and quick and sudden transaction in a rush --; One must realizes all these problems associated with UBF-style marriage by faith. So one needs to have courage to make a decision on his own to make sure that his marriage partner is really suitable for him to continue to love God and serve him together all his life. The reason I cannot speak up strongly is that the current UBF environment does not allow me to do so.
A marriage by faith cannot be decided by others. It is not a children’s play either. We are all grown up adults. We should not be troubled by other’s decision or order about our own marriage. We should also overcome all judgmental eyes and control about our romantic feeling even though doing so is very difficult in UBF environment.
In conclusion, the control of romantic feeling is a by-product of an effort to preserve the tradition of UBF-style marriage by faith. It is not going to be easy to do so as an individual. But we have no choice but to resort to our own individual faith, decision and will. Most of all, when a person express his opinion about the whole matter, to be honest with, that opinion is treated with silent contempt and the person is criticized. This is our reality—- That is why I could not speak directly abut the whole problem in my post but do it indirectly. Even the Bible says that a marriage by faith should be based on one’s own choice among fellow Christians. The Bible never says that a marriage by faith should be determined by other and we have to struggle to accept it. The Bible doesn’t even talk about anything against romantic feeling. I also want to mention that each person in UBF should change his idea about the matter. We should also guard ourselves against the yeast of being accustomed to being controlled and being forced to obey through the tradition of UBF-style marriage by faith.
Please, dear sheep, do not be influence by other’s opinion and idea. You should make the decision on your own by faith about the relationship that you are going to have. Whenever you see undergraduate girl sheep who feel uncomfortable with meeting other brothers, you should tell them that it does not have to be that way. In that way, we can change the current environment. When everyone lives no longer before men trying to please men and when everyone lives before God to please him, then the time will finally come for us to lead a much better Christian life.
