(Originally posted at voy.com/60734/. See also http://rsqubf.info/discuss/archive/marriage_by_faith_3.html.)
Author: Mary
Subject: Re: Arranged Marriage - my opinion
In reply to: Chris 's message, "Re: Arranged Marriage - my opinion" on
13:46:44 09/18/03 Thu
Chris,
Thank you so much for writing this incredible and truthful email about marriage by faith. None of this is twisted in away, it gets to the heart of the matter of UBF marriages. I too was married by faith, and consider myself one of the lucky ones too. But I believe it was not only luck, but God intervention. During my single years in UBF it was hard. I was always being told I liked someone, just because I was friendly or smiled at a person of the opposite sex. Unforutnatly some of the boys of UBF also thought I wanted to marry them just because I smiled at them. I did not know that being friendly or a smile was a practical request for being arranged. In college, boys did not like me just because I smiled, but in UBF they thought I wanted to marry them. Anyway, they would easily get "cooked" by a smile because later I learned a girl in UBF is suppose to be cold and not nice to the boys. But I could be friendly to all potential sheep regardless of sex. I learned, repented of my cursed womans desire that the boys were smelling (as my shepherd would say) and became cold as possible. But not to long in my involvement in UBF I was being asked to marry someone whom I cooked in my smiling days. I said "No", I was not in UBF to marry. I wanted to grow up first, learn of Jesus, finish school and later perhaps marrage could be considered. But I was told that I should be more like another american shepherdess who married by faith. I was too knew to understand that really, but I felt the pressure and suffered much for almost a year because I couldn't find the way to convince them I was not at peace with marriage. Once I was told "It was now my duty to marry the guy, because I "cooked" him." I was shocked, by the shepherds of UBF who would use any excuse to try and make me marry. I almost ran away because of this. But in my suffering I turned to God, found comfort in David's psalms of anguish and told God that if I married by faith and my marriage failed, then I would hold him personally responsible. Not the Christian thing to do to a HOLY God, but I would not take the chance to marry by UBF standards without the presence of the HOLY GOD intervening. I was arranged a few times, one arrangement that fell thru, I think the guy probably didn't like me (that's okay with me, it was nice when they gave him a choice like that, but I was told that is rare). Another arrangement where I agreed, but was very reluctant and wanted to kill myself for obeying but I wanted to obey my shepherd (this is when I pleaded with God, that I would obey his command to marry by faith, though his shepherds) as long as he really was there arranging it. And finally my engagement with my spouse almost canceled because the shepherds wanted to manipulate us to obey their very command as long as they could. I was constantly told that if I liked the guy I was spoiling the whole marriage by faith and was marrying by like not by faith. I was also counseled to prepare to marry someone not favorable or possibly not the best humanly, but had potential to be great in the future if I took care of him correctly. I was counseled to be ready, whenever, wherever, however, with whomever. I went from saying NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. To maybe it's me, I shouldn't say no, to OK I'll marry by faith as long as God is really the underling marriage arranger, to Yes. Ironically, each marriage arrangement brought me closer to the Yes. YOu would think that it would bring me closer to believing UBF was a cult. But their counsel and the fact that I had no one else to talk to about it was the turning point. Also I found I had to defend UBF ways to family and friends. To my family, who had to cancel a wedding, they really thought I was crazy. To friends, after the wedding cancelation I stopped telling them about my engagements until my real wedding came. One friend who did not realize the first wedding was canceled, thought I just postponed and but later wondered why the name of the groom was different. Many times I covered up the problems of UBF, out of my own pride to believe UBF was in the right. BUT how harmful that was too me and others.
