Testimony of Jimmy R., December 2000
(See also Joseph P.)
(Jimmy R. was an UBF missionary, elder and fellowship leader. He had come to the US in the 1970s before Samuel Lee came to the US. He was also the music director of Chicago UBF. He was one of the early members of UBF, probably joining the group already in the 1960s. The following is his reply to questions about the case of a forced abortion in Chicago UBF in the year 1986, written on the reformubf.org web board on Dec 5, 2000.)
Seeing my name in a quote from the 1989 American UBF reform letter, and the question of a UBF member on the web board, I feel like obliged to make the facts known to all. First of all, I have to say that I have never read the 1989 reform letter, and I am surprised to see my name in it.
By the way my story will be long and before you skip reading it, I want to answer to the question: is there anybody who can and will testify this [the forced abortions]? Yes! Ask missionary Mark Yoon how he took a helpless woman to an abortion clinic to obey Samuel Lee! If he does not admit, then read the following to the end.
When James Kim contacted me and asked about the abortion, I refused either to confirm or deny. Instead I told him to ask others in UBF, especially UBF USA board of directors.
The reason I wanted to be quiet was because Samuel Lee privately confirmed it to me and showed (pretended?) his repentance when he was confronted, and though I wanted to keep it confidential because he put himself under my pastoral care at his confession, I failed to do so during a wrangle at a board of directors meeting, and I felt sorry for my failure.
Now here is the whole story I can share, more than just abortion issue!
It was the Monday leader’s meeting right after 1986 Easter Geneva Conference [Lake Geneva, about 70 miles from Chicago]. While Samuel Lee was making some lengthy closing statements, he suddenly shouted, “I can do everything for the glory of God!”, and I could hear many just responding, “Amen!” At that moment, I felt something very horrible happening. As you know, “I can do everything for the glory of God!” sounds pretty good, but how unbiblical and dangerous it is! How many horrible things have been done with the same motto throughout the church history! How can the Lord who is holy and righteous be glorified by any unsanctified act only with unsanctified zeal! That night I couldn’t sleep. I asked the Lord what might have gone wrong. Then I realized there was only one person related to it. (I don’t want to use the name even though it has been publicized; I ask everyone to protect individuals involved; even the media knows when to hide people’s names!; let’s be more sensitive, and not mean as such). I visited her and had her confirm it. I saw her just crying with tears, so distressed and helpless. She had to let her own son taken away apart from her own desire, now abandoned by her husband just before the Easter Conference. Yet she had to serve the conference. When she came home, she was almost out of her mind. There Mark Yoon appeared to carry Samuel Lee’s command.
I have to mention about her second divorce. Because I was the one who counseled both of them I knew what was happening. Samuel Lee continually tried to break their relationship; he took advantage of all the private information he had gotten through their so called life testimonies (this is why I use the word “spiritual abuse” without any hesitance). Any pastor knows how criminal it is to break such pastoral confidentiality! It is kind of UBF common practices. I had often heard so called shepherds publicly saying, “he or she is such one who lived such and such life...” Yes, I had heard Samuel Lee saying such things before me, thinking that it would be a special favor for me. How I wish those in UBF would know what he had said me of them! You may say, “Isn’t it ok, because all are exposed through repentance?” Remember the Bible says, we should cover other’s weakness and we should not expose unless it is permitted to reveal what the Lord has done, permitted by the one who is concerned. Shame is shame though the Lord took it on the cross! Otherwise he did not have to take it! Tell Samuel Lee how he felt when I broke this rule! He has to do to others the same thing as he wants me to do.
There were so much lies told by Samuel Lee to both of them about regarding her son. Before their marriage, I asked the guy if he would willingly accept her son. He said, “Sure!” Later, much confused by Samuel Lee, he had to change his mind. It was all Samuel Lee’s tactic to take her son away from her. How a mom’s heart is when her child is forcefully taken away! If he didn’t know it, it would mean he doesn’t know God’s Father’s or Mother’s heart and it is why he is so mean and sometimes so inhumane. If he knew it, then it was all he wanted to make her desperate and keep her enslaved under his sick care!
I got so mad at him. I fasted and did not come to the center. Immediately it was noticed by everyone and Samuel Lee became anxious. After about a week, he visited me. I could not say any more than “How could you do it?” I cried with tears. At first he denied it. So I angrily told him that I would confront Mark Yoon and publicly rebuke him. Then he even said, “he is an SNU graduate, an intellectual. He cannot obey me blindly.” “Ya, SNU graduate, intellectual? Aren’t they weaker than uneducated people because they are just smart to save themselves? I say this because I am one of them.”
Finally I stood up, saying that I was going to the center to get him. He begged me to just sit, then started to share his confession: “Last week I was possessed by demons, missionary Jimmy. I don’t know why I did such foolish thing.” He didn’t literally admitted everything with his own mouth. However, I took it as his confession and I prayed for him, and for his forgiveness.
Even so, for the first time I began seriously to pray about leaving UBF. That’s why I moved to Wheaton far away from UBF center, while many were moving near it and those who would live more than several blocks away were considered as infidels.
In the summer of 1989, there were some revival meetings going on in Chicago area Korean churches. Several women missionaries attended the meetings. I heard it from my wife who also attended the meetings and was much refreshed. However it became an issue in UBF, because it hurt Samuel Lee’s pride. So board of directors meeting was called. I was angry at Samuel Lee’s condemning words against fellow workers. So I myself decided to go and see what was going on. I wept with tears when I saw those missionaries at the meeting, just crying for 1:1 sheep [UBF style Bible study sheep]. I myself was reminded how the Lord had captured me. It was not by my intellectual understanding through any man, but by the mighty wind of the Holy Spirit that broke my strong resistance. Many in UBF know my personal testimony.
At the next meeting, I began to defend the women missionaries. I told everyone that they did not give up their mission, but even at the revival meeting their prayers were 1:1. I also told them they needed refreshment, they were burnt out and the Lord provided them with what we couldn’t, healed much of the wounds. At this last statement, Samuel Lee became furious and screamed at me: “Do you mean I hurt them?” He seemed losing his temper, and so did I. Then, I pounded the table and shouted back: “How can you dare to say you haven’t hurt any when you even commanded abortion!” Samuel Lee immediately threw his chair toward me and the meeting was over. All the members came to know it and missionaries and American shepherds overheard it too because our voices were very high and loud and we were holding our meeting at a room in the center basement where there were many people.
Since then, for several months, I had to go through all the ordeals, to be publicly called “Satan,” “Hallelujah Christian” [UBF swearword for Charismatics] (I don’t understand why the word “Hallelujah” was used for such purpose and any UBF member at that time didn’t dare to use such blessed word). One Sunday Samuel Lee would ask me to quietly leave UBF, then next Sunday beg me to make peace.
The reason, I guess, was that he was afraid that I would tell the story to American shepherds, with many of whom I had studied the Bible at least one time. Anyway this kind of tension continued until she [the UBF missionary whose name Jimmy R. didn’t want to use] left UBF to visit her mother in Korea before the Christmas preparation.
She had been very sorry because when her mother visited her, Samuel Lee deliberately separated both of them by forcing her to get IV (any doctor knows it’s not only unethical but also illegal! Oh such blind UBF loyal servants who are forced or used to deny any God-given common senses or basic ethical senses!) just to hold her. [Samuel Lee frequently had his personal nurse administer intravenous fluids in his office to people who he thought were sick, even when it didn’t make sense medically. In this case he obviously did it, because he wanted to immobilize and keep her Mother away from her, being anxious that she wanted to get her daughter out of UBF.] Her mother, kept in her apartment, was starving until my wife happened to visit her. She went back to Korea with all the bitterness toward UBF and her own daughter!
Anyway she [the UBF missionary, after visiting her mother there] came back from Korea and wanted to move out of UBF. She stayed at one Korean pastor’s house. She asked me to help her move. And with her and the pastor’s sons, I went to the small basement of the house in UBF. To our surprise, the door was blocked by thick wood boards crossed and nailed on it. Missionary Joshua Lee is the witness! I got mad and went up to Samuel Lee’s office. I was blocked by shepherd Mark V. He tried to push me away. [Obviously others were present, too.] Once I had taught them the Bible and I could see their agony. I was really sorry for them, knowing that they didn’t want to stand against me. I told them to get out of my way. I raised my voice so that Samuel Lee could hear: “How can a Christian do this kind of illegal act? I will notify this to the police!” Then Mark was called in and when he came back, he told me to go and wait until they would rent a moving truck and do the job by themselves. So we came back and they did with their own expense!
I would add one more: how he conducted a psychological warfare against me and my wife. He used those whom we had loved and given ourselves much and let them call my wife, just to recite the scripture such as “... better to be drowned in the depths of the sea.” It’s a curse! Sounds familiar in UBF? But praise be to the Lord, who has set us free from such curse through his cross.
If you wonder why now [I’m speaking about this all] then, I have to say: my wounds were so great that I was not sure if I could share all these without defiling many with my own bitterness (Heb 12:15). I chose to forgive Samuel Lee for all his wrong doings against me, my wife and my children, again and again, whenever I heard from others in UBF how he publicly cursed me with all the lies. Now I don’t habor any grudge against him, in stead I have pity on him. God has shown me his personal wounds, how he was raised up under his stepmother, and how he was ill treated at the church when he was a little boy. How hard he had to work and study. He has all kinds of inner wounds unhealed. The hurt hurt the hurt! He is a victim of his own wounds and himself becomes an abuser. He is deceived and deceives many.
Even so, now I realize that there are so many innocent victims and my silence cannot be justified any longer. My forgiveness also does not exclude speaking the truth (Eph 4:15). More importantly bringing justice speeds up the healings of many who have been wounded by Samuel Lee and even by me!
